The craziness of the last few
months finally ended last Saturday. I could finally relax with a good book (and
now with my blog). I looked into my dad’s bookshelf and my eyes were drawn to a
book entitled ‘Disappointment with God’ by Philip Yancey. My initial reaction
was ‘yikes! It looks interesting (especially since its by Yancey) but can one
say they are disappointed with God!?!?’. Ah legalism….it always has its way of
making us feel like we are better if we say and do all the right things. I knew
I had to pick up the book to read. On this journey of being honest with myself
and allowing God to work with my unconscious legalistic patterns, I find that
answering questions about how I really feel and what I really struggle with can
be very difficult. Questions that will take a lifetime answering (or may not be
answered)…..here I found myself being challenged.
As I read, I realised the little
things or events that have caused me to be disappointed with God. Its causes
you to question if God will come through in certain or other situations. Does He really
care? These could be events you never realised affected you. Small or big. They
may have caused you to slowly and steadily lose your trust in God. It may have
started with being let down by a friend, the divorce of parents, the loss of
someone very dear to you, problems with dealing with a secret sin, heartbreak,
an accident, etc. Most of the time, it does not happen all at once. The
disappointment builds until there is questions about whether or not you could
trust Him and if you ever did believe in Him.
I began my faith in God through
the bible teachings of my parents, relatives and church, then I met God in my situations
and circumstances, I heard Him in my quiet time and even in the calmness when I
was in a storm, etc.. But as I grow, my relationship is more about faith in the
unseen than seeing and believing. Trusting even when He says ‘wait, it isn’t
time’, ‘walk away and do not look back’, ‘we will deal with this issue
together. One step at a time’, ‘it’s your ego that is bruised. You do not need
to defend yourself in this state. Walk away’, ‘walk into this new thing that I
have for you. Do not fear’. Bad things happen but God protects His people. There is a process of breaking the unwanted things to refine us. Even
in pain, He will be with you. Your situation and circumstance may not be the
way you pictured it to be. But continue to pray, trust and obey. He is with you. That is a promise.
I have not completed the book but
I will fill you in on how this book has inspired me. Have a great week.
Me xoxo
