Mend my broken heart

Psalms 147:3 – "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds".

There is a pain that heartbreak causes that I cannot quite describe. Elisabeth Elliot says “perhaps the most painful wounds are not the physical ones but those of the heart”. A broken heart is not just caused by someone we love and trust (ex: a special person, husband, wife, parents, friends, etc). I believe we could have a broken heart due to not achieving something we put our hopes and dreams in. Each person deals with pain differently. The wounds of the heart can lead to either death or a better life. Some bury it so far in but it pops up from time to time through bitter words and selfish acts, whilst some can’t contain the feelings of betrayal, hatred, regret, rejection, etc. I don’t believe you can keep heartbreak hidden. It somehow shows itself. The secret to healing the wounds is dealing with it. Easier said than I done….I know! But if you put God in this process and be obedient to Him, you’ll see a brand new heart.

Proverbs 15:13 –

“A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance, but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken”

Proverbs 17:22 –

“A merry heart does good like medicine, but a broken spirit dries the bones”.

The reason I am writing this blog is because I have realised how much heartbreak can mare our view of God and the world. It could bring death to a part of us that could bring life. Personally, I fell into a mudpit of which I call my ‘biggest heartbreak’. For the longest time, I guarded my heart and I must say I did a pretty good job ;). Until, when I least expected it, I let my guard down and got my heartbroken (we were just two very different people that wanted very different things). After that, I swam in the pit for a while cause I didn’t know how to get of it. I had three options, I could either allow this to affect me, pretend like I was not affected and ‘move on’ or deal with everything I felt and actually move on. The third was the best but the hardest. So once I came to my senses, I began to deal with my pain head on. I never wanted my past hurts to dictate my future. Even though, in this process of dealing and healing, the pain was unbearable at points --- I still wouldn’t change what happened. God mended my heart. It honestly feels like a brand new heart. There also had to be a renewing of my mind. 

Personally, I had to first decide if I could trust God (by the way, ‘saying it’ and ‘doing it’ are two very different things) and completely let go of my past. That was my biggest struggle cause there was a familiarity and comfort level that I had with my past. Being obedient and letting go was a decision I had to make before anything else could take place. Next was forgiveness. Not just forgiving myself but the person involved. This was deep rooted and required a lot of time and prayer. It was connected to anger, rejection, pride, etc. It didn’t leave overnight. For me, it involved tears and a whole period of just getting everything out of my system. I did this by talking to God and certain people that God put in my life with sound advice. There were back and forth steps between letting go and forgiveness as sometimes I felt I took one step forward…then go two steps back (honestly, don’t give up when that happens). But God was working. I just didn’t understand His plans. I had to keep surrendering everything to God, including my dreams, desires, destiny, etc. I found that the issues in my life began to surface or resurface. I had to deal with sin that was so engrained in my life that I didn’t know it was wrong to feel those things. Whether it was insecurity, fears, loneliness, etc. There was a desperation for healing. Healing was taking place…..with God dealing with details from my past that I carried with me. But it required me to accept the correction and be obedient to everything that surfaced. Then one day, I felt a snap and I was liberated! I was free! I never knew I could feel that way…..I didn’t think it was possible. The joy and peace I felt in my heart (Philippians 4:6-7 with emphasis on ‘and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus’)….it definitely was a miracle cause I am currently in the best place I have ever been. There is a confidence in God that I never had before. I speak with conviction cause no one can tell me that my God cannot come through. I know if He didn’t allow something, its because He has a better plan. That plan might involve pain…..but there is a joy in suffering that Paul spoke about…..that I can finally say, I may have felt a little of that. His presence were tangible at points and my relationship with my Saviour is like never before. 

My prayer is that in whatever circumstance I am in that I have joy. I know that in His presence, there is fullness of joy. That’s why I choose His ways and not mine. Heartbreak, whether with family members or non-family members, cannot be avoided but how you deal (or not deal) with it is the key to a better or worse version of you. Bring God into the process of dealing and it will save you from wandering in the wilderness into walking into the Promise Land. 

Born for such a time as this (part 2).....

The elections in my country took place and once again I found myself in a place where my will and God’s will differed. My hopes and dream of a better country through the national elections did not happen. I know its not the end of my hope for change….but I placed very high hopes on change in that election. There is a change….not in the way I wanted it but there is. I watched the people fearlessly speak, act on their beliefs and most of all stand up for a better country like never before. We prayed like never before. The government is shaken by it…..but we have a long way to go. Corruption takes place without guilt or a second thought here. The church throughout Malaysia has prayed, and I believe that God is working. Not the way I or most people expect or want Him to, but His thoughts are higher than mine….and I will trust Him because He has always shown me that His ways are always perfect. I have to keep speaking the truth that “God is still in charge” repeatedly cause sometimes what happens in the natural sways me from the truth and I get caught up in my situations and circumstances. As I deal with the heartache, God heals my heart and mind through His promises and assurance. Even now He mends my heart, cleanses my mind from negative thoughts and purifies my heart. Sometimes God shuts one door because He has a better plan. All He asks is that you “do not trust in princes nor in the son of man, in whom there is no help……but hope in the Lord God” (Psalms 146: 3 and 5). These are days that great things will happen and I still believe it. I'm blessed to be born for such a time as this.

To my Malaysians who still find themselves in grief and despair.....I truly believe God will never forsake our desire for a better Malaysia if we continue to pray and seek Him. 

To the rest of the world who prayed for us, I thank you for that. We still believe God will prove Himself faithful to us. 

Shalini xoxo

Born for such a time as this......

Tomorrow my country will make a choice to change our government or keep to the same government that has been ‘serving us’ for 56 years. This will be the most exciting elections in our nation. I look back at the facts and do not understand why we have not reached the status of a developed nation. However I must say, I have never seen people come together like this. Malaysians are beginning to speak out and not fear. Its an exciting time to be in this nation….and I am so happy to be part of this. I believe with all my heart, even though the mainstream media does not allow the nation to know the truth, the truth will always prevail.

Today I beckon people from all over the world to pray for my nation. We want righteous men and women to be in leadership. We call upon the ambassadors of Christ to step forward and do their part in praying to an Almighty and Righteous God to bring righteouness to this land of Malaysia. I pray that there will be no violence and that God’s will be done. I believe that our current government has been allowed to rule for so long with so much corruption because it has caused people to begin to go on their knees and pray. Only God can truly save us by changing the heart of people. Prayers move mountains. Vote with the wisdom of God as your guide. Amen :)

To call sin by its name and don't give yourself excuses

We all have sin in our lives. From sin like a white lie or a bad thought to dreadful sin like murder or rape. Humans tend to categorise sin as ‘the really bad sin’ to ‘the small little ones’ (usually dismissing those sins). But here is the truth, sin is sin. No matter how ‘small’ or ‘big’. The thought of murder is murder. And yes, we all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. Those are such high standards to live by and we cannot do it by ourselves. Just say it “that is ridiculously high standards God!!”. That is why He sent Jesus. The blood of Jesus was shed to cleanse you and make you pure and holy. Bridge the gap between you and God. Its through His grace and mercy that we are saved and through the power of the cross that we are redeemed. We are free! 

I do not carry the burden of my past sins. When I do sin, I repent of my ways and turn from my ways. Wish it was an instant realisation sometimes but sadly, it takes time for me to realise it sometimes. There are times when God shows me the sin that is in my heart and wants me to deal with it. Why? Cause that sin has ramifications on my relationships (whether personal or professional), effects on how I behave and how I react to situations and circumstances, etc. For example, if I do not deal with the pride I have in my heart….I will not be able to deal with my anger. This sin will have negative effects in my life and I will reap the consequences of my bad behaviour. So when God asks us to deal with sin, its not just that we be good witnesses of Christ but so that we have peace and joy in our everyday life. It’s a healing from the INSIDE. Its not this ‘I can do it’ attitude but an ‘I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil 4 : 13)’ attitude. Some people remember the beginning but don’t realise that it’s the ending of the verse that is the key.

Don’t be hard on yourself if you struggle with some things. You need to be aware that you have a problem and deal with it. You realise what you have done wrong, call your sin by its name and hand it over to God. Example, if its fear of the future or insecurity….call it by its name and hand it over to God. Of course it doesn’t just end there. These sins have deep roots in us and sometimes it takes a lot of dealing with the dirt to uproot the sin from our lives. Have the assurance that when you hand it to God, its in the Best Hands. Sometimes the process is long. Don’t give up on God and His amazing plans. The devil will put thoughts in your head and put up a good fight. Remember that the devil has been in the business of messing with human lives since the time of Adam and Eve. He has had a lot of practice! Don’t think your wisdom will get you far. Equip yourself with the Word of God to protect you from the wiles of the evil one. You need Jesus, the Word that became flesh and dwelt among us (John 1 : 14).

One of the reason I love the story of David,‘the man after God’s own heart’, is because he was not perfect….but he ran back to his Perfect God every time he made a mistake. If you read the Psalms, David was transparent with God (Psalms 51-prayer of repentance after David committed adultery). He murdered, was an adulterer and just so full of flaws. But God still chose to bring Jesus through the bloodline of David. Was David deserving of it by religious standards? Nope! But that’s how amazing His grace is. His love covers a multitude of sin (Proverbs 10 : 12). We all have struggles….the question is ‘how do you cope?’ Do you pretend your sin is not there and bury it. Believe it or not, one day your sin that you buried ‘so well’ will grow until it’s a 10 foot cobra, stand tall and bite you. Stop the pretence and examine your heart. God is in the business of healing and saving your soul.

As I have learnt, I pray you have been blessed.  

The Wedding

My God is absolutely amazing. I read my daily devotional today and yet again was just in awe of how amazingly-amazing my God is. You MUST read this. I am so excited to share this from my devotional by Sharon Jaynes, "The Perfect Wedding". I would suggest reading the whole article. This is just an excerpt of the article that baffled me how traditional Jews celebrate weddings. As you read, imagine what Christ did for us and promises to do when He returns. You are the bride, Jesus is the son or the bridegroom and God is the father. 

"In the Old Testament Jewish tradition, the father chose a bride for his son. If the woman accepted the proposal of marriage, the groom paid a “bride price” to her family of a few cows, a couple of sheep, or perhaps some gold trinkets. The couple drank from a cup of wine to seal the marriage covenant between them, and would not drink of it again until the day of the wedding ceremony. Then the groom left his betrothed and went back to his father’s house to build a home for her. Once the home was competed to the father’s satisfaction, the young man returned to whisk away his bride. Usually this took place in the middle of the night with torch toting groomsmen whooping and hollering to let her know they were on their way. Her responsibility was to be prepared – to be ready at all times.

And so it is with your groom. God has chosen you to be the bride for his Son (Ephesians 1:4).  Jesus paid the ultimate bride price for you when He gave His very life on the cross (1 Corinthians 6:20).  At the last supper, after Jesus and his disciples had broken the bread and drank the wine, He explained to them, “I will not drink of this fruit of the vine from now until that day when I drink it anew with you in my Father’s kingdom” (Matthew 26:29).

And where is Jesus right now? He is preparing your home. “My Father’s house has many rooms,” Jesus said, “if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am” (John 14:2-3). And when his Father says it is time, Jesus will come back like a “thief in the night” to whisk away his bride (1 Thessalonians 5:1-2)" -- Sharon Jaynes, The Perfect Wedding (http://sharonjaynes.com/).


Isn't that just sooooo cool! It is so symbolic and well-planned. It was done in the Old Testament! God created the earth knowing that His Son will have to die for us and that there will be a wedding. I am part of this and am so glad :). My God chose me! Flawed and all but living on every Word that comes from my Father. 

I love you, Lord :). 

P.S...check out the whole blog at http://sharonjaynes.com/

A cry to save my nation

This is a pivotal time in Malaysia. With elections around the corner, we have so much brewing amongst the people. From calls for a more Islamic nation to active/outspoken racism, manipulation to calls for bloodshed if things are not how they want it, etc. While these things happen, so many Christians are comfortable and with no clue that things are not all peachy. Even if some know, there is apathy. We have been blessed with the fruits that our forefathers fought for that we have never seen bad things happen in this nation. We cannot live in a little bubble and pray “God, bless and prosper me” (me, me, me!). Yes God blesses….but He blesses us to bless others. The church in this country must rise up and make a decision to collectively intercede for the nation. But the truth is, it is ridiculous how many Christians point to the next Christian and say “He/She can do it….I’m not called to be a prayer-warrior”, “I have too much to do, she doesn’t. Plus, me praying won’t make a difference”, or “I don’t have a burden to pray for Malaysia. He does”. Here is the thing…..if we all keep pointing at the next Christian, we will only have a few praying. Yes, my God is gracious but don’t let the hand of protection of the Lord lift from this nation. And if you live in a particular country, you should pray and fast for it no matter what. It is your responsibility. Don’t wait for bad things to happen before you get on your knees.

While we pray for our nation (even if you are from South Korea, Russia, India, Germany, United States, etc.), we need to pray the will of God be done. The will of God may not be comfortable. But rest assured that it is the best. In my own life I have noticed that the will of God sometimes isn’t what I wanted but when I am in it, I just know that it’s the best thing that could have happened. You realize how small your thinking is compared to the magnitude of God’s wisdom. And the peace, ohhh my…..you definitely experience the peace that passeth ALL understanding. When I pray for my nation, I pray (1) God’s Will be done, (2) for a nation that knows the One and Only Living God and serves Him, (3) for protection and no bloodshed, (4) for righteous men and women to be in leadership, (5) for particular spiritual strongholds to be broken (cause yes, we do not war against flesh and blood but spiritual strongholds, 2 Corinthians 10:3) and (4) a church that is built on Christ and does great exploits for His Name, amongst other things. So I urge you today cause I believe you are not reading this by accident. You are called for such a time as this to stand for your country. I believe the best thing my dad ever did for me is put God first and pray for us. So pray…..exciting things happens when we pray. There is a war against good and evil. The weapons for this spiritual war is the Word of God (Hebrews 4:12-13), the power of the Blood of Jesus (Rev 12:11) and the power in the Name of Jesus (Mark 16:17). We serve the God that parted the red sea, makes mountains move, breathes life into dry bones and makes them live…..He is the God that created all things! Don’t underestimate Him! :)

Take the time to pray….you will never regret it! xoxo

Pride, is your sting still intact?

This has been one of the toughest weeks I have had in a long while. Hence, my late blog entry. From juggling work, school presentation for Easter, church drama, etc. Its one of those weeks where you know God was the only One who got you through it cause you could have never done this on your own. But it took my obedience to do it. There were points where I was disobedient and there were repercussions of my disobedience. And then, yet again I go, “I should have listened to His voice”. Yes our sins are forgiven when we repent, but there are consequences to our bad actions. We all deal with sins that get the better of us…..mine has been anger. One of the many wise things my father told me about anger is that the root of anger is pride (high opinion of oneself). So if you have anger in your heart, you have pride. Now if you look at me…..I MAY NOT seem like a prideful person (and yes, a quiet person can also be a prideful person)….but pride is very sneaky. Often you feel that you have a right to be angry, you refuse to see the opinion of your opposition, or you think that you are just right because you have read, heard and/or experienced it. There are many more to this list of prideful behaviour. Pride is so rampant…..EVERYWHERE! Lets be honest and call sin by its name (such as pride, anger, lust, rejection, etc.) and don’t give ourselves excuses!  Here is the painful truth….pride is most likened to self-righteousness. Yes, self-righteousness. Since this was the issue that I had to repent and surrender to the Lord, the Lord put it on my heart to read on it. Especially since it just kept popping up in my devotions after my dad spoke to me. Haha….thats what happens when God wants you to GET THE MESSAGE!

Just as Elizabeth Bennet in Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice put it, “are you too proud, Mr. Darcy? And would you consider pride a fault or a virtue?” The Bible mostly talks about the bad of pride but there is also mention of us boasting in the strength of the Lord (1 Corinthians 1:31, 2 Corinthians 10:17), boasting in the endeavors of other Christians (2 Corinthians 7:4) or boasting not in ourselves but in our weaknesses (2 Cor 12:5). So there is such a thing as good pride. But to know if it is good or bad you have to see who is exalted…..self or God. Good pride is when we boast in the Lord and the great things He does! Not us….Him! I always have a check in my spirit every time I unconsciously say something that exalts myself instead of God whether it comes to ministry or my personal life. It’s the Holy Spirit prompting me to check my heart. In my quiet time, I bring those issues before the Lord and repent. Its not an easy process when you do this in your own strength….you need to do it through the strength of the Lord. If not you will feel drained.

Honestly when I first began dealing with my pride, it took obedience. Saying sorry even when I didn’t feel like it or it was not purely my fault, humbling myself (even to my students or church youths) and admitting my faults even when you know the moment has passed, etc. But the more I deal with my pride with God’s help, I see strongholds broken. Cause here is the truth, I know my God hates pride….yes HATES! Its one of the seven things the Lord hates (Proverbs 6:16-17(a)). Jesus himself humbled himself to the point of death (Phil 2:8), yet we put ourselves before God, people we love, the people around us….just so that we don’t “lose face”. The Lord warns “let not the wise boast of their wisdom or the strong boast of their strength or the rich boast of their riches” (Jeremiah 9:23). I love this one, “although they claimed to be wise, they became fools” (Romans 1:22). When we boast in ourselves, our lack of knowledge may just prove that we are fools.

I am a Malaysian with Sri Lankan and Indian descent. Honestly, many Asians, in general, are very prideful people (I speak only of Asians cause I am one). The pride amongst Asians cause us to be racist against other races, undercurrents of hostility in our conversation, feelings of superioirity, etc. This causes division, hate and many other things. You may think pride is a small thing. But it will keep us from so much and will end up hurting people cause we are busy making ourselves feel and look better. In an article I read from Angie Lewis, she says that pride is why we begin arguments, treat people badly (due to arrogant pride), its an obstacle to our faith in Jesus (cause we think we can do it ourselves!), makes us self-righteous (like a pharisee), keeps us from admitting to our sin, blinds us to our own faults, keeps us from asking for help or advice, causes us to forget God, and it will be the reason for our downfall!! The Word of God says that ‘by pride comes nothing but strife’ (Proverbs 13:10). And sweetheart, if we believe God’s Word is true….we better learn now before we make all the mistakes stated above. Pride is the main reason for the fall of Lucifer who now is known as Satan! Pride is evil…..not something we should push aside.

I’m gonna make a statement that might offend, but I say it for the love I have for my fellow Christians. Many Christians, especially those in ministry (this includes me), are so prideful. So many times we put ourselves before God and that is the worst thing. We want to do great exploits that involve speaking on pulpits but we don’t have time to come humbly before the Lord and do His will and not our will. Stop talking about yourself  and the great things you do…..it has never been about you! That’s why we are called CHRIST-ians. Its about Christ. Not CHURCH-ians! 

Ever since I have started this study, I not only want to be humble but I also want my future husband to be a humble man. For us to be “wise as serpents and harmless as doves” as we serve God together (Matthew 10:16). I pray you all join me in this decision to repent of pride everyday cause it is so encoded in our DNA. Pride - its sting is still intact….so call it by its name and uproot it and nail it to the cross. Ask God to break the curse of pride. It will be painful and sometimes you will cry but the freedom you get after is so worth it. This is my testimony :).

Be the amazing person you can be through Christ.

Be blessed and be a blessing xoxo.