Psalms 147:3 – "He
heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds".
There is a pain that heartbreak
causes that I cannot quite describe. Elisabeth Elliot says “perhaps the most
painful wounds are not the physical ones but those of the heart”. A broken
heart is not just caused by someone we love and trust (ex: a special person,
husband, wife, parents, friends, etc). I believe we could have a broken heart
due to not achieving something we put our hopes and dreams in. Each person deals
with pain differently. The wounds of the heart can lead to either death or a
better life. Some bury it so far in but it pops up from time to time through
bitter words and selfish acts, whilst some can’t contain the feelings of
betrayal, hatred, regret, rejection, etc. I don’t believe you can keep
heartbreak hidden. It somehow shows itself. The secret to healing the wounds is
dealing with it. Easier said than I done….I know! But if you put God in this
process and be obedient to Him, you’ll see a brand new heart.
Proverbs 15:13 –
“A merry heart makes
a cheerful countenance, but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken”
Proverbs 17:22 –
“A merry heart does
good like medicine, but a broken spirit dries the bones”.
The reason I am writing this blog
is because I have realised how much heartbreak can mare our view of God and the
world. It could bring death to a part of us that could bring life. Personally,
I fell into a mudpit of which I call my ‘biggest heartbreak’. For the longest
time, I guarded my heart and I must say I did a pretty good job ;). Until, when
I least expected it, I let my guard down and got my heartbroken (we were just
two very different people that wanted very different things). After that, I
swam in the pit for a while cause I didn’t know how to get of it. I had three
options, I could either allow this to affect me, pretend like I was not
affected and ‘move on’ or deal with everything I felt and actually move on. The
third was the best but the hardest. So once I came to my senses, I began to
deal with my pain head on. I never wanted my past hurts to dictate my future.
Even though, in this process of dealing and healing, the pain was unbearable at
points --- I still wouldn’t change what happened. God mended my heart. It
honestly feels like a brand new heart. There also had to be a renewing of my
mind.
Personally, I had to first decide
if I could trust God (by the way, ‘saying it’ and ‘doing it’ are two very
different things) and completely let go of my past. That was my biggest
struggle cause there was a familiarity and comfort level that I had with my
past. Being obedient and letting go was a decision I had to make before
anything else could take place. Next was forgiveness. Not just forgiving myself
but the person involved. This was deep rooted and required a lot of time and
prayer. It was connected to anger, rejection, pride, etc. It didn’t leave
overnight. For me, it involved tears and a whole period of just getting
everything out of my system. I did this by talking to God and certain people
that God put in my life with sound advice. There were back and forth steps
between letting go and forgiveness as sometimes I felt I took one step
forward…then go two steps back (honestly, don’t give up when that happens). But
God was working. I just didn’t understand His plans. I had to keep surrendering
everything to God, including my dreams, desires, destiny, etc. I found that the
issues in my life began to surface or resurface. I had to deal with sin that
was so engrained in my life that I didn’t know it was wrong to feel those
things. Whether it was insecurity, fears, loneliness, etc. There was a
desperation for healing. Healing was taking place…..with God dealing with
details from my past that I carried with me. But it required me to accept the
correction and be obedient to everything that surfaced. Then one day, I felt a
snap and I was liberated! I was free! I never knew I could feel that way…..I
didn’t think it was possible. The joy and peace I felt in my heart (Philippians
4:6-7 with emphasis on ‘and the peace of God, which surpasses all
understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus’)….it definitely was a miracle cause I am currently
in the best place I have ever been. There is a confidence in God that I never
had before. I speak with conviction cause no one can tell me that my God cannot
come through. I know if He didn’t allow something, its because He has a better
plan. That plan might involve pain…..but there is a joy in suffering that Paul
spoke about…..that I can finally say, I may have felt a little of that.
My prayer is that in whatever
circumstance I am in that I have joy. I know that in His presence, there is
fullness of joy. That’s why I choose His ways and not mine. Heartbreak, whether
with family members or non-family members, cannot be avoided but how you deal
(or not deal) with it is the key to a better or worse version of you. Bring God
into the process of dealing and it will save you from wandering in the
wilderness into walking into the Promise Land.
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