My 6 secrets to enjoying singlehood

‘Look at you, being all awesome as a single’. I must say it was really nice to hear that from a close girlfriend of mine. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still hoping this season ain’t forever and no, I do not have all the answers. A blog I wrote a few months ago will give you some background (Being single....a gift?). ‘Singlehood’ to so many means that a person ‘lacks something’ (whatever that may be). Its like that line from Jerry Maguire (1996), “you complete me”. Its this notion that there is a guy (or girl) that would complete you as a person or make you whole. I totally disagree. Everything I say is based on my own life experiences and what the Lord is teaching me through my own singleness. These are my secrets to enjoying singlehood:

1.   Resolve to enjoy your singlehood.

I made a decision to enjoy my singlehood. Be content. It all began with God dealing with my issues on a personal level (insecurities, rejection, etc.) and one day….after many prayers and lots of honest dealings with my issues….something snapped within me. There was an indescribable joy from within. I made a decision that I will be content in whatever season. It was my time to enjoy the Lord (just me and Him) and enjoying where I am at now on the way to where I am going – for I will not get this back. It was a true realisation that it is God who completes us and not a human being.

2.   Loving who you are and discovering the love of God (that cannot be earned).

I cannot emphasize this more. Love who you are. You are beautifully and wonderfully made. If you do not believe it, ask God to help you with it (I did). He loves you - imperfections, chubby, warts and all. He loved you before you loved Him. He is NOT waiting for you to be perfect or for you to love Him first before He loves you. Sometimes His love allows hard times to come, to turn you from evil to His loving arms. It is in those arms that you will know unadulterated, pure love. Not through any man or woman. Until you have discovered the love that laid down His life for you….you will always have an emptiness that cannot be filled by any other. The person you marry should complement you but he or she will never fill the void that only God can fill. 

3.   Enjoy discovering or knowing who are you.

Being single, does not mean you sit and wait for a guy or go on the prowl looking for a man. Do things you love, meet people, learn to give your time and things your hold dear to others (it does not come naturally, but it sure does teach you a lot) and most importantly, be where God wants you to be. Your focus should not be a man or woman but Jesus Christ. I’m enjoying my profession, travelling, meeting people and doing ministry. Ladies, please find out what you love and do not base it on what your (future) guy likes. Have your own set of friends (other than the ones you have in common), know how you like your eggs cooked and do not constantly say “I’ll have what he is having”. 

4.   Realising that your issues will not disappear when you get married or when someone else (esp the opposite gender) validates you. 

Deal with the baggage now (of course not all will be dealt with). Even if we do not get married, dragging your baggage is not a healthy thing and that weight you carry makes you unhappy. We all come with our own issues. Insecurities, rejection, bitterness, etc. Bring your issues before God…..do not worry He will not fall off His throne if He knew what is exactly is in your heart! Honey, He already knows ALL things. Even before you did. Through Him there is freedom. So let it all out. Tell him exactly whats in your heart. “Lord, I’m jealous of …..because …..”, “Lord, I keep having impure thoughts when I……”. Anything that is contradictory to His ways is not good. ‘Its normal’ or ‘its what everyone else does’ is not a good excuse to continue in sin. Once you are convicted (and it includes that still, small voice telling you to walk away), ask God to work with you. Once He starts working with your issues, your thought processes begin to change and you will begin to love who God created. Sometimes it happens overnight….most times, it’s a process. Sometimes we are the reason for the delay. Obedience makes the process a lot shorter.  

5.   Counting the blessing that comes in this time of singlehood. Forget the “if onlys”.

Seriously, count your blessings. So much is given that we are not thankful for, yet we want more. Every time I want something I do not have, I literally count my blessing one by one and hand all my ‘shoulda, woulda, coulda’ and ‘if onlys’ to the Lord. No turning back.

6.   Most importantly, pray.

Prayer is vital in the happy, sad and in between times. I constantly remind myself to put God on my first ‘go-to’ in whatever situation (it’s a struggle to make it a habit, but I strongly suggest that you do it). You will always need prayer to help you through the times when you feel the pressure of being in a relationship or settling down. It is not easy, I know. Prayer is not just a time for you to let your frustrations out but most importantly, to hear from God and His voice guiding you. The strength and joy is from Him.

The Lord is your strength and fortress. Do not fear.

Me :)