You did not ask!!

Sometimes we believe that we are not good enough to ask God for anything. We think about all the bad things we did and feel so unworthy to even ask. In some twisted way, we believe that only if we have been good then we can ask…..only then Jesus will answer us. We forget about the true meaning and the power of the cross. We have received His forgiveness and there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Jesus says, 'Ask anything in My name and it will be given to you'. I listened to a sermon by Joyce Meyer in which she quoted James 4:2 ‘You have not because you ask not’, which basically means that we do not have something cause we did not ask for it. Of course we have situations where we ask, but God doesn’t give it. He has His reasons….but here is the amazing part….even if He doesn’t give it, He gives a peace when we don’t get it and sometimes the understanding to why we didn’t (ask for it). For example, when I first went to Australia for a year exchange program, I was sold on continuing my studies in Australia. I studied very hard, did all the research I needed to get into the best universities in the area of education and I even applied for a few scholarships (if you know anything about applying….its a long painful process of filling application forms, getting them certified, etc—you need will power to get it all done). After all that, all doors closed. Shut! I cried. A door opened in Malaysia for the first time in a semi-government university to do education. I even got a scholarship. That meant…..no Australia. I was devastated. I went through my first few months of uni sulking even though God blessed me with a scholarship. Not one of my shinning moments…..:|. Seven years later, the opportunity to go to Australia arose to do my masters. It wasn’t that I had been trying for 7 years to go back to Australia…..but when I let go of it, God still remembered and was faithful. My appointed time was 7 years later. When we ask, we either get it, sometimes only get it after a long while and other times we don’t get what we ask for. Its when we don’t get anything that we get upset, throw a tantrum, wonder if God even cares and stop asking. But if you honestly trust God, you will know God’s ways are always the best. Meyer said this, “Ask, release it to God and say ‘God I trust you, if this is what I’m suppose to have, you are giving it at the right time and I’m going to be happy in the mean time cause I’m here to serve you’”. The key is - ask first, now release it and be content even if you don’t get it or it takes a while. But you must ask!! This message really spoke to me---ask and do not second guess God.

If there is something you have asked for over and over again and God has not answered…..trust Him. If He doesn’t give it, know that He has something better…..or perhaps better timing for it. He loves you tooooooooo much to give you something that would not be good for you or at the wrong time. Sometimes what you asked for may not be a good thing, but He allows it to happen as it has a higher purpose to achieving God’s plan for you. Trust God, you will find perfect rest in His will for your life.

“Whatever you ask in My name, that I will do,

that the Father may be glorified in the Son.

If you ask anything in My name, I will do it.”

John 14:13-14.

“If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you,

you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you”

John 15:7.

“Until now you have asked for nothing, in My name.

Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full”

John 16:24.

Undeserving, still loved

Its just been one of those weeks that I’ve been busy doing so many things (some important, some not so important and others not important) and was just finding it hard to be quiet in His presence. I’ve either been distracted, tired, working, etc. There isn’t just a guilt that I have for not waking up early and spending time with God (not in a religious way but in a 'I've not been able to give my time to Him who deserves my time') but an absence of peace and pure joy that I have when I spend time with God. Spending time isn’t only about me giving God my time and getting to know Him but a part that I need so much to be whole. Abiding in Him from the time I wake, to my journey to school, my interaction with my students, collegues and family, until I fall asleep. To be in fellowship with God is where I know I am found…..I am completely understood. There is no pretense cause I know that He knows EVERYTHING about me. To be totally bare and exposed…..and to know that I am still loved and accepted…..that is mind-boggling. I love my God for loving me even when I do not deserve it. I don’t have to do fast 40 days, live in isolation, or give Jesus ANYTHING for Him to love me…..He loves me just as I am. All I do and have done for Him is in worship for just how awesome He is in my life. I want everyone to know Him…..not the ‘religious’ or ‘prosperity’ centered Jesus that so much of the church has misrepresented Jesus as. But the Jesus that wants a relationship with each person. He doesn’t want robots….if not He would have created robots right? He wants to know you…flaws and all…..and not the façade you put up for the rest of the world. You can go to church your whole life and not know Jesus. Even right now, just get away from everyone and seek Him in the secret place. He is waiting for you. You do not need to be perfect cause you will get to know a Perfect God that accepts you just as you are and will enable you deal, heal and become a new man. 

“Evening and morning and at noon

I will pray, and cry aloud

And He shall hear my voice.

He has redeemed my soul in peace…..

Cast your burden on the LORD,

And He shall sustain you;

He shall never permit the rigtheous to be moved”

Psalms 55:17,18(a) and 22.

Mend my broken heart

Psalms 147:3 – "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds".

There is a pain that heartbreak causes that I cannot quite describe. Elisabeth Elliot says “perhaps the most painful wounds are not the physical ones but those of the heart”. A broken heart is not just caused by someone we love and trust (ex: a special person, husband, wife, parents, friends, etc). I believe we could have a broken heart due to not achieving something we put our hopes and dreams in. Each person deals with pain differently. The wounds of the heart can lead to either death or a better life. Some bury it so far in but it pops up from time to time through bitter words and selfish acts, whilst some can’t contain the feelings of betrayal, hatred, regret, rejection, etc. I don’t believe you can keep heartbreak hidden. It somehow shows itself. The secret to healing the wounds is dealing with it. Easier said than I done….I know! But if you put God in this process and be obedient to Him, you’ll see a brand new heart.

Proverbs 15:13 –

“A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance, but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken”

Proverbs 17:22 –

“A merry heart does good like medicine, but a broken spirit dries the bones”.

The reason I am writing this blog is because I have realised how much heartbreak can mare our view of God and the world. It could bring death to a part of us that could bring life. Personally, I fell into a mudpit of which I call my ‘biggest heartbreak’. For the longest time, I guarded my heart and I must say I did a pretty good job ;). Until, when I least expected it, I let my guard down and got my heartbroken (we were just two very different people that wanted very different things). After that, I swam in the pit for a while cause I didn’t know how to get of it. I had three options, I could either allow this to affect me, pretend like I was not affected and ‘move on’ or deal with everything I felt and actually move on. The third was the best but the hardest. So once I came to my senses, I began to deal with my pain head on. I never wanted my past hurts to dictate my future. Even though, in this process of dealing and healing, the pain was unbearable at points --- I still wouldn’t change what happened. God mended my heart. It honestly feels like a brand new heart. There also had to be a renewing of my mind. 

Personally, I had to first decide if I could trust God (by the way, ‘saying it’ and ‘doing it’ are two very different things) and completely let go of my past. That was my biggest struggle cause there was a familiarity and comfort level that I had with my past. Being obedient and letting go was a decision I had to make before anything else could take place. Next was forgiveness. Not just forgiving myself but the person involved. This was deep rooted and required a lot of time and prayer. It was connected to anger, rejection, pride, etc. It didn’t leave overnight. For me, it involved tears and a whole period of just getting everything out of my system. I did this by talking to God and certain people that God put in my life with sound advice. There were back and forth steps between letting go and forgiveness as sometimes I felt I took one step forward…then go two steps back (honestly, don’t give up when that happens). But God was working. I just didn’t understand His plans. I had to keep surrendering everything to God, including my dreams, desires, destiny, etc. I found that the issues in my life began to surface or resurface. I had to deal with sin that was so engrained in my life that I didn’t know it was wrong to feel those things. Whether it was insecurity, fears, loneliness, etc. There was a desperation for healing. Healing was taking place…..with God dealing with details from my past that I carried with me. But it required me to accept the correction and be obedient to everything that surfaced. Then one day, I felt a snap and I was liberated! I was free! I never knew I could feel that way…..I didn’t think it was possible. The joy and peace I felt in my heart (Philippians 4:6-7 with emphasis on ‘and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus’)….it definitely was a miracle cause I am currently in the best place I have ever been. There is a confidence in God that I never had before. I speak with conviction cause no one can tell me that my God cannot come through. I know if He didn’t allow something, its because He has a better plan. That plan might involve pain…..but there is a joy in suffering that Paul spoke about…..that I can finally say, I may have felt a little of that. His presence were tangible at points and my relationship with my Saviour is like never before. 

My prayer is that in whatever circumstance I am in that I have joy. I know that in His presence, there is fullness of joy. That’s why I choose His ways and not mine. Heartbreak, whether with family members or non-family members, cannot be avoided but how you deal (or not deal) with it is the key to a better or worse version of you. Bring God into the process of dealing and it will save you from wandering in the wilderness into walking into the Promise Land. 

Born for such a time as this (part 2).....

The elections in my country took place and once again I found myself in a place where my will and God’s will differed. My hopes and dream of a better country through the national elections did not happen. I know its not the end of my hope for change….but I placed very high hopes on change in that election. There is a change….not in the way I wanted it but there is. I watched the people fearlessly speak, act on their beliefs and most of all stand up for a better country like never before. We prayed like never before. The government is shaken by it…..but we have a long way to go. Corruption takes place without guilt or a second thought here. The church throughout Malaysia has prayed, and I believe that God is working. Not the way I or most people expect or want Him to, but His thoughts are higher than mine….and I will trust Him because He has always shown me that His ways are always perfect. I have to keep speaking the truth that “God is still in charge” repeatedly cause sometimes what happens in the natural sways me from the truth and I get caught up in my situations and circumstances. As I deal with the heartache, God heals my heart and mind through His promises and assurance. Even now He mends my heart, cleanses my mind from negative thoughts and purifies my heart. Sometimes God shuts one door because He has a better plan. All He asks is that you “do not trust in princes nor in the son of man, in whom there is no help……but hope in the Lord God” (Psalms 146: 3 and 5). These are days that great things will happen and I still believe it. I'm blessed to be born for such a time as this.

To my Malaysians who still find themselves in grief and despair.....I truly believe God will never forsake our desire for a better Malaysia if we continue to pray and seek Him. 

To the rest of the world who prayed for us, I thank you for that. We still believe God will prove Himself faithful to us. 

Shalini xoxo

Born for such a time as this......

Tomorrow my country will make a choice to change our government or keep to the same government that has been ‘serving us’ for 56 years. This will be the most exciting elections in our nation. I look back at the facts and do not understand why we have not reached the status of a developed nation. However I must say, I have never seen people come together like this. Malaysians are beginning to speak out and not fear. Its an exciting time to be in this nation….and I am so happy to be part of this. I believe with all my heart, even though the mainstream media does not allow the nation to know the truth, the truth will always prevail.

Today I beckon people from all over the world to pray for my nation. We want righteous men and women to be in leadership. We call upon the ambassadors of Christ to step forward and do their part in praying to an Almighty and Righteous God to bring righteouness to this land of Malaysia. I pray that there will be no violence and that God’s will be done. I believe that our current government has been allowed to rule for so long with so much corruption because it has caused people to begin to go on their knees and pray. Only God can truly save us by changing the heart of people. Prayers move mountains. Vote with the wisdom of God as your guide. Amen :)