I am turning 30 this September. How time flies! Here is my big news -- I am getting married on the 30th of December to a man that has completely shown me that trusting God is the best decision ever. That last statement is a fully loaded statement. You will have to read my story.
It was when I was 15, that my aunt told me about how God met her prayer request for a husband. She wrote her prayer request of the man she wanted -- her needs and desires. She then prayed about it. From his name, his personality, how the courtship would happen to his heart for God, etc. That conversation blew me away. Every request she made, God answered. It was then that I wrote my own prayer request. That prayer request changed over the years as I matured. By 20 I knew what I wanted in a man. However, when others heard about my requests, many said "YOU HAVE A 4-PAGE LIST!" I never quite liked the word list. Made me come off as demanding **yikes**.
I wrote my requests in detail -- I was told to be specific. I prayed about my future husband everyday. Even now I look back and remember how there were points where I would feel a great compulsion to pray for him. I knew wherever my man was -- he was going through either a hard time or just needed my prayer. I knew God is faithful. At points I was not so disciplined at praying for him. Honestly, I struggled holding on to my requests during periods in my life as people kept saying that I needed to be realistic or I just lacked the faith of meeting this man I wrote about. But there was always a still-small voice saying "Hold on. Trust me". The fighter inside me said, "I will! God will provide. I just need to walk in His will". Stories of Abraham and Sarah, Job, Isaac and Rachel were a few that kept my focus on God and built my faith.
Over time, my mind subconsciously began to focus more on meeting my man and I began focusing less on God. I subconsciously thought that a man would fulfill my desires, I would be my happiest once I found this man. That notion that a man would save me was there even if I told myself I did not believe it. I blame Disney! Just kidding. Here is the thing....God wanted my whole heart.
In 2012, which I dub 'the hardest year of my life' due to various reasons -- was also when I received my biggest breakthrough! I cannot explain the freedom I received when I began enjoying my singlehood (read my previous blog on singlehood to know more).
I learnt to be content in whatever circumstance. The question "what if you never got married?" was asked. My breakthrough came when I was ready to let go of my dreams and trust God. Completely happy that it is just Jesus and me -- my life was altered. The verse "He is the Way, the Truth and the Life" was so real. My goal in life was to seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness. I began to enjoy my time with God in a whole new way. The overwhelming presence of God would take over and I could sit for hours in my room talking to God. That was when I discovered --- "Christ is enough for me".
14
“Therefore, behold, I will allure her,
Will bring her into the wilderness,
And speak comfort to her.
15
I will give her her vineyards from there,
And the Valley of Achor as a door of hope;
She shall sing there,
As in the days of her youth,
As in the day when she came up from the land of Egypt.
16
“And it shall be, in that day,”
Says the Lord,
“That you will call Me ‘My Husband,’
And no longer call Me ‘My Master,’"
(Hosea 2:14-16)
Mind you, at this point I had already known my fiance but never met him in person. A true skeptic about meeting someone online, I met Stan online in 2010 and he remained my friend for years. Both of us oblivious to what God had in mind.....we were both in two ends of the world.....(to be continued).....
