‘You must be like a trapeze act.
As you move from one metal strap to the next, let go…..
God will get you through. Let go of everything!
Surrender all! Especially your past’.
(Ps. Khoo, 2012)
One of the pastors from my church in Malaysia told me this back in 2012. I have had to remind myself time and time again of letting go. In a span of 6 years I have moved from Kuala Lumpur to Perth, back to Kuala Lumpur and then back to Perth, got married to an amazing man thinking we would be starting life in Perth, which did not work out, and now we are living in the United States of America. Changes seem to be my constant companion. In everything, when I let go of my hangups, fears, insecurities, self-pity, etc. I find God in every corner. Moving on and letting go of doubts is a test of trusting God. I look back with no regrets (ok maybe one thing haha!). I have had so many amazing things happen, learned so much from mistakes and have learned to rejoice in both good and bad times.
Sometimes I have fallen during my trapeze act — but He caught me in time. There are points I questioned my Heavenly Father on whether or not going to Perth was His will or mine. There I find a peaceful voice saying ‘would you have had it any other way?’. My answer is no. That experience was great and the pains I felt — truly hurt. I still have wounds that are healing. I know Jesus dealt with my character and personality. He still is.
Back in February 2008, I was prophesied to by an elderly prophet from America that she saw America for me (and she said that twice). Gosh, I could not think of ever living in a place that far from family. I was reminded of that prophesy just before we moved to the US. I believe it was to help me be at peace with the decision or perhaps would have saved me from a lot of heartache. But here I made a prayerful decision before God confirmed it. It truly felt like a trapeze act.
Here is the thing, I cannot say that I have the answers to the next phase in life. But I can tell you that God is in control of it. I am on a fast moving train and God has paved the track for me to follow His ways and the Spirit is the fuel.
As much as the year has gone by fast, I have not been working for nearly a year due to moving between countries, I am enjoying married life and being a house wife. All three things that caused me to be very apprehensive before. In all this, I have found God more and am learning to accept people for who they are without expectations. People of kindred spirits are hard to find — gosh, how much I have learnt that. But I am getting there.
My latest trapeze act was losing my dad. The first man in my life and a man I have always adored. He was my loving father, full of wisdom pastor and security. Losing him hurts intensely. Christ is getting me through this. I miss my father everyday. Each day I surrender my everything to God and I feel an overwhelming peace. I know I will always miss my dad but the knowledge that dad is enjoying his time with his Maker causes me to let go. The legacy of my father’s life lives in me and so many others. To pay tribute to him is by moving on with the things of God and pressing into the work of Christ just like he did. My dad would not want us to pine for him but move into the things of God and continue praising Jesus for His love, mercy and grace.
My trapeze acts do not always have a perfect or even a so-so landing but whenever I land, there are hands so ready to catch me. He trusts me more than I trust myself. I see more of how He sees me and I am in awe of how His blood sanctifies and renews me into the person He sees me as. PERFECT!
