“Do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases”
Song of Solomon 2:7(b)
Rewind. Day before I met Stan. A
conversation with a friend from college after telling her about a friend (aka.
Stan) coming from the States to visit KL. “Aha…I’m sure he is just coming to
visit KL”, she said in a sarcastic tone. I replied, “He is a good friend. I
don’t see him that way—lah. I’ll just meet him, show him KL and he will go back
to the States. Plus, I’m moving to Australia. I cannot afford a long-distance
relationship”. That is exactly how I felt. By the way, Stan had booked his
ticket to see me even after knowing that he is just my friend. Talk about a
determined man. For him, he thought, “what do I have to lose”. He wanted to
give it a shot.
The bible verse, ‘do not stir up nor awaken
love until it pleases’ was a verse that kept me out of trouble. I learnt to be
friends and keep boundaries. Every time I tried to touch the boiling pot
though, I felt the burn. Good thing about burns, they heal. The art of being
friends – I had mastered.
A total God moment, it took 7 days for Stan
to move from being my friend for 4 years to the man I will marry. How awesome
is that! Biblically - 7 represents ‘completeness, perfection, wholeness’. God
created the world in 6 days and rested on the 7th. When Peter asked, “how often
to forgive someone?”, Jesus replied, “up to seventy times seven”. 7 is a very
significant number in the bible. I think it’s cool how it all happened in 7
days.
Day 1: I met Stan. After the first few
minutes of ‘oh gosh, its obvious he likes me a lot’ awkwardness, we got along
like a house on fire. We did not need a phone screen to help us (thank
goodness!). I was pleasantly surprised at how well we got along. Best part, he
wanted to really know the culture and experience KL life. He scored 50 brownie
points! Lots of talking, a nice dinner and drinks was basically how we spent
our first meet.
Day 2: Now this was not intended, but my mum
invited him over for lunch. This was when everything began to change. My family
loved him! I was still on ‘friendzone’ mode. After lunch my dad looked at me
and said, “if you want to marry someone, that is the kind of man you want. You
both will compliment each other very well”. Everything inside me thought,“No!
This is not how I pictured it to happen --- this guy is not the one for you”. I was convinced! “2014 is the year ‘my dreams’ come true. A future in
a new country with a job and whole new adventure. A man from the United States!
How can this man fit into ‘my plan’? It just does not make sense. Especially
since I know Australia was in the next phase of my life. Way to go Ms Niles,
you just made your life so complicated.” If you
heard the thoughts inside my head, you would find me much more interesting. I
believe God is very entertained!
Day 3: I was a bundle of confusion. Trying to
make sense of everything in my own head. I knew my walls were coming down. But
the planner in me fought back.
Day 4: Still all confused but now with a
throbbing headache. Ever had that feeling where you are trying so had to make
sense of everything, that your head just aches so bad you want to cry. I had
that! I called my sister in New Zealand, who is my voice of reason. All she
said was “Shal, I know you. You seek God and want to do what is right by Him.
You just pray and you will know what to do”. It hit me then. I put God in most areas, why did I not go to
Him for this? I put down the phone, prayed and then ended up falling asleep
that evening for a little while.
Until today I cannot tell you what exactly
took place – all I can say is I went to bed so confused and woke up without a
shadow of a doubt that Stan is the man I am to marry. It was as though my brain
was rewired. I had no answers to how the relationship would work – all I knew
is that I will marry this guy. I knew I was still going to Australia but had no
money or a clue to how this relationship will work. I did not know if Australia
will be for a season or the rest of my life (I still don’t!). This would be
another adventure in my life. It was my usual “okay, what’s next Lord? Bring it
on. I’ll trust you”.
We had our official first date that night
(fun fact: it’s the same place he proposed to me). I didn’t tell him I knew I
would marry him. Very strong words
for someone who was so confused the day before. But I just knew that I knew,
that I knew he is the one. I cannot explain it in words. But something inside
me said wait.
“A man’s heart plans his way,
But the Lord directs his steps”
(Proverbs 16:9)
Day 5: I was waiting for the right moment to
tell Stan my decision. All I got was wait and I wondered, “Why?”. It all began
to make sense in that moment when Stan asked my dad for permission to take me
to the US for a holiday to meet his family and friends. Everything would be
paid for. Now before you think, how primitive of him to ask my dad first (in
case you are) -- he just scored a gazillion brownie points for that. Think about this,
I had not given him any indication that I wanted to be in a relationship with him. Stan was
willing to pay for, not just mine, but also my sister’s flight and
accommodation when we visit US without me even saying yes. Stan took a huge
leap of faith and I saw just how much he would do to make our
relationship/future marriage work.
Day 6: He left for the States. I gave him a
big hug and said goodbye. I wanted to say it then….still it was wait. My head
was like “really! Wait!?” I told Stan, “I’ll let him know soon. I need time and
prayer to be sure”. Oh how much I just wanted to say, 'I want to be with you forever'!
Day 7: Stan reached London airport lounge. I
said, “Stan, I’m all in”. Stan said my timing could not have been more perfect.
Any earlier, he would have never taken the flight back to the States. Any
later, he would have wondered if it would ever happen. It was perfect!
Here is the best part, sometime later – on a
very random day, God prompted me to look back on my much forgotten prayer
request, by now better known as my ‘4 page list’. One by one we went through it
– me and God. God answered all but two requests. All I could think was -- we
have a lifetime to pursue those. Amongst many love stories such as Isaac and Rebecca, Ruth and Boaz -- is our love story with God's very own imprint.
Our story does not end with this amazing
‘happily ever after’. It’s the beginning of another adventure. Marriage is
effort. How it unfolds has to do with the decisions we make. It will have ups
and downs, times that are easy and some with lots of effort, happy and sad, joy
and tears – in all we have Jesus. It is now the beginning of a three-part
harmony.
‘Look to the LORD
and his strength; seek his face always.’
1 Chronicles 16:11
